My oldest had to write a couple of essays for english. She isn't aware but I know one of them is about the last couple years and focused mainly on how my drinking affected her life.
As I sit in the waiting area of the counselor's office while my youngest has her session, I'm contemplating.
I was once incredibly selfish, irresponsible and neglectful. It's hard to understand how I could have been such a horrific person. I know now the drunk me isn't who I truly am...but it took a lot of drinking and traumatizing my own daughters to figure it out. Not to mention how close I came to losing my best friend and their daddy.
The whole thing just breaks my heart. Pain begets pain. My parents pain became my pain became my children's pain.
Alcohol is poison to me. I chose the bottle over my family far too many times and the damage done is terrible. I only hope the work I'm doing now helps to ease some of their pain.