I just spent the last half hour on the phone with my sister in law while she described what it's like dealing with sick parents. It seems, that for whatever reason, each of us has used an opportunity in life to take an outside view of our birth families and see them for what they are.
I have no idea what my life would've been like had my parents taken their own opportunity to see the dysfunction and mental illness that runs deep through generations. Different for sure. Better or worse?
I think life gives us all moments to step aside and assess ourselves, plenty of chances to heal. I can think of a couple times in my past where I could've jumped on the healing bandwagon. I also know dealing with what I'm going through now would've been next to impossible at a younger age. The fear of knowing where I'll end up now pushes me to continue with counselling..pushes me to "heal".
This was going to be a different entry today as I'm trying hard to accept what is and to stop obsessing. Everything happens for a reason and today's phone call made me realize that I am blessed. I'm starting to see I am strong. It feels like praising myself and it's not comfortable, yet I cannot deny it. I could easily turn my back and find chemical ways for coping. As hard as it is, I prefer this path.
I did say I'm feeling good today. I am. Blessed and grateful for my husband, daughters and chosen family..their love and support amazes me everyday.