Thursday, 30 June 2011

Non-materialistic craving.

Ha! ATTENTION! That's my biggest one. The "HEY, Look at me! Look at me! Love me!" attention. Ask hubby, he'll tell you. I get pretty damn needy at times.

And today is a really big day for my neediness. I'm on day 12 of my quit and I can feel Crazy Me at the wheel. Hubby didn't kiss me good-bye this morning, so I'm mad at him. He hasn't texted yet and I'm mad at him. None of these things are intentional as my husband is a very sweet man. And I could always go and get a kiss from him...but Crazy Me (yes I label myself! All the time actually) decided that I'm cranky and struggling with not smoking and chose to be mad instead. It's these days and these moments I've chose to smoke in the past just to ease the pain and feel somewhat normal. And that is addict thinking in a nutshell. Addiction 101.


The idea of going back to bed and waking up tomorrow is very appealing. I do have another session with my personal trainer this morning ... hopefully I can shift my energy instead of making it worse for myself the rest of the day.

The second noble truth teaches us that the cause of suffering is craving. Hahaha...Yep...sure is!

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

The healing continues...

Spirituality is a core value in my life. A definite need and one not to be ignored if I'm to put the best me out into the world.  It seems for quite some time now Buddhism is the one way of life that has interested me. I've done some reading here and there. I've attempted meditation a number of times. But have never really learned much about Buddhism.  

So now the journey begins...

How fascinating! And so much to learn! 

I've signed up for a home online-based course and received my first lesson. This week's practical exercise is to think of non-material cravings I may have. I suppose acceptance is one. I went to meet with a personal trainer and it happens to be someone I went to high school with and have not seen in close to twenty years. We were really only acquaintances, but there was still a wanting of acceptance I think. Who wants to meet with someone who doesn't accept them? For me it was only on a client/professional level...but still..acceptance. 

Another big one for me is approval. Not from just anyone, but from my husband and children. I "need" to know now that they "approve" and that the steps I'm taking and choices I'm making in my life today make them proud. It's going to be interesting to see what else I come up with this week. 

I've also joined a Buddhist forum. There is a wealth of information on the site, and links to more sites with more information. Exciting and overwhelming. I only just learned last night what Mala beads were! 

I've printed the five precepts and the noble eightfold path. Seems like a good place to start. For right now I just can't seem to read enough. And I feel "at home" with it. 


Saturday, 25 June 2011

500 Days!

Actually 500 days sober was 6 days ago. But I'm posting it  now.

Hubby and I have managed to get ourselves to the gym for 10 consecutive days and I am super proud of both of us. I have plans to see a personal trainer this week to set some fitness goals for myself and hubby is deep into research for his. I'm loving our new focus! It's only been a week and a half into "project energy shift" and we both notice some changes. Just goes to show what you can accomplish if you just DO!

Talking about and wishing for change doesn't yield results. I'm excited to see how life evolves and improves for us in the next while. We made a deal to go the entire summer and then reassess all things then.

As far as not smoking...tomorrow is a week. I haven't been the easiest person to live with, but I really am trying to keep the crazy levels to a dull roar. The gym is helping. I'm sure I would be a lot worse without the exercise!


Tuesday, 21 June 2011

The new us!

Hubby and I have set some new goals..and this last week has been great!

We've joined the gym, and have gone faithfully everyday since. Even decided to wake up early and work out at 6:00 in the morning! This still shocks me! ;)

Part of the new us, is me quitting smoking. I'm whiny today. And so tired. The bit of energy I get from working out is short lived. The upside is how quickly that will turn around. I've quit so many times, I have the timeline of healing and what comes next down to a fine art.

I figure if I write about how uncomfortable this quitting business is, I'll use it to remind me not to ever start again... when the going gets tough. I see my therapist tomorrow and I plan on using OEI to deal with the anxiety and the manic feeling that comes with quitting smoking. I honestly can't stand the early part, so why I keep starting over again is beyond me.