Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Just babbling...

With the finale of "The Biggest Loser" coming up, I've been thinking alot about motivation. Watching the contestants accomplish phenomenal weight loss goals, it's impossible to not be motivated and inspired. The girls, especially, look fantastic! Every week you see just how proud of themselves they are. The feeling that comes with setting a goal and reaching it compares to nothing else. True, beautiful confidence.

It's a bit harder to maintain that level of excitement without cameras following you around day in and day out. Life seems to have a way of constantly testing you in different ways. When things are hard or challenging, you need to find ways to maintain motivation and to remain positive.

For me...the sun helps...ALOT! I find I become so down with the constant rain. But even with the sun shining, I'm missing the feeling I had this time last year. I had that wonderful feeling of accomplishment just about every single day I woke up. It's not that I'm no longer proud of myself...I AM!...It's just that it's come time to set another goal to reach. I've quit drinking (468 days! Woot woot!) but it's not the only or last positive change I wanted to make. Smoking is list of things to remove from life. Imaging the feeling of compete and utter pride when I have finally removed those horrible things permanently!

I think any goal, no matter how big or small, once set and to be celebrated. I think you can inspire those around you and be your own source of motivation with each goal accomplished. I also think the very action of setting goals and working towards them is a goal itself. And if it's something you're not used to doing, a life changing one.

I sometimes gravitate to "big" ideas when the little act of taking a vitamin daily and drinking more water will make a world of difference in my life. Less junk food, more fruit and veggies...again a little act, a big difference.I know I won't be heading out and running 5km this morning, but I can start somewhere. And everything is a cycle. Feel better physically, feel better mentally.

My stomach feels great today! (It's been a long week.)  And I've been mentally "strong" lately too. Why not take advantage of all this combined with the beautiful weather and see what I can accomplish!


Friday, 6 May 2011


If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion. ~The Dalai Lama

I've been reading "The Art of Happiness" and thanks to not watching TV in bed, I'm about half way through the book. Last night I just couldn't get enough! The section on compassion with attachment compared to genuine compassion was incredibly interesting. When I've thought of compassion I understand the idea behind not wanting others to suffer. But sometimes the whole concept of compassion for all beings seems a bit "out there".  How do you practice compassion when someone is grating on your last nerve? It's at that point that I can't imagine being a peaceful being full time. It's at that point I judge myself.

Compassion with attachment is what is hardwired into my being. It's actually what I see in most people I know. It's what I teach my children.

 Last fall our oldest moved out of the house against our wishes. Our first response? Take everything away and teach her life is hard and she'll get little to no support from us. If the basis of compassion is wanting for others to NOT suffer, then clearly, going out of one's way to aid in the suffering is by no means compassionate. Recently I had a fight with my youngest and took away some of her favourite belongings. She hurt me...I'll make her suffer. Not compassionate.

I honestly have no idea how to be genuinely compassionate towards those closest to me. I'm a compassionate person...yes...but I don't feel I'm a genuine compassionate being towards my loved ones. And while I can sit here and claim to now know the difference between the two, put me through a test and all hardwired behaviours/thoughts/feelings will emerge. It's what I've practiced and mastered for many years.

That being said, awareness is huge. Now I have to learn how to increase my level of genuine compassion.

I feel... at 34 yrs old..I'm rebuilding my foundation from scratch. Exciting and overwhelming. Yet, if I take it one brick at a time, eventually it will be solid and strong.

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

15 Months!

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” ~Harriet Beecher Stowe

Today is a marvelous day. I have accomplished 15 months of sobriety one other time in my life. I chose not to do any work on myself and thought for sure that not drinking would be enough to make life less painful. After 15 months, I chose to drink and eventually ended up in a worse place. This time ... well this time 15 months looks beautiful. And life really is a million times better. There are hard days..but they always pass. And every day is a true gift. Sobriety isn't a daunting task or horrible's my gift to myself. <3

I'm thinking of life without cable for a little while. It seems scary to even consider such a thing! What does one do instead of watching TV? What about all the shows and sporting events we'll miss? Funny how the television dictates how we spend our time here. In the two days without it...our youngest daughter has spent an amazing amount of time with us. Grocery shopping, painting the outside...things we would normally just go ahead and quickly get done, never taking the time to ask if she would like to help out. The difference is noticeable. Plans to do more outside work have been made and she seems quite excited. Last night, instead of having the bedroom TV on while I fell asleep, I read some more of my book. I might actually make it through an entire book if I were to read each night. AND of course, there is money to be saved. A few months without cable pays for a trampoline, which is desperately wanted here. I am still trying to convince myself (and others) ... nothing but good will come of it...yet I still don't know how to let go of cable television. ;)