Sunday, 10 April 2011

It's getting closer...

I'm having some weird feelings today. Anxiety for sure, but something else is there. Desperation almost. And a knowing that something is happening to me. Am I cracking? Will I persevere or lose my mind?

I'm aching to meditate again. It scares me though. I have a lot of daytime flashes lately, and meditation has accelerated them in the past. I've been scouring the internet looking for any information on meditation for survivors. Lots of info to confirm what I've already experienced, but not a whole lot about how I get past it. Frustrating.

I want to let go. Maybe surrender? I don't know what that means to me though. Surrender to what?

It's like I am standing on an edge (?) and there is beauty and freedom in my next step...I just don't know how to make myself lift my damn foot and take the step.

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