So here I go...
When I quit drinking (417 days ago! Woot woot!) I had to work my ass off to overcome my old ways of thinking. I now sit here, many moons later, in some weird slump. I'm nowhere near where I was in the old days, but neither am I feeling as good as I did in my early sobriety. So what's happen?
My best guess is a comfort/take things for granted kinda attitude. A dangerous place to be. Not that I'm taking everything for granted...but the work I put in a year ago. I just assumed (I think!) that it should all be roses and I can slack off. In my second year I should be able to sit back and just enjoy my new life, right?
It's my perception that's the problem. I think of everything I've done as "work". Who wants to "work" so hard all the time without a break? Positive thinking..work. Quitting smoking...work. Working out...work (ok, well that's in the title). Patience...work. Meditating...work. How do I change it around? These are all things I need to do in order to put my best "me" out into the world. To maintain balance. I need to rewire the deepest parts of my mind. It isn't work. It's healing. It's self care.
I've been lacking in caring for myself. Somewhere along the way I took a break and expected everything to just keep on clicking along. I assumed I had learned the tools and that would be enough. And damn if my energy isn't contagious! All it takes is one little negative moment to undo all the positive moments before it. Negativity is a beast! On the other hand...one little positive moment, can also be enough to spark many other positive moments and undo all the negativity.
So what's my plan? Well for today, I'm going to start by counting my blessings. Honestly, I have a wonderful life. I wake up next to my wonderful, loving husband who is truly my best friend. I have two beautiful, healthy daughters. I don't go without necessities in life, and I have quite a few wantsl. All in all...that's a pretty damn good start to any day.
I'm normally a "fix everything" all at once kinda girl...but I'm thinking for today, I'm going to slow down a bit. Baby steps I figure. The fact that I've typed all this is a major step in the right direction. I'm going to add "drink more water and take a vitamin" to my list and see what happens from there.
Today is a new day...I'm going to embrace and enjoy it!